I am hungry but don't know what to do about it [06 Jan 2010|01:49pm] glowing_fish I think I wrote down on a piece of paper, what to do when I am hungry. I wish I had a strategy other than "attrition" to deal with things. But that is basically it: someday, all these dumb boring people are going to die. 12 comments|post comment

its 430 AM [06 Jan 2010|04:30am] glowing_fish sorry ia m dumb post comment

I am far away [05 Jan 2010|11:58pm] glowing_fish I am far away, here in Montna. But I am still sorry you have to deal with me. 3 comments|post comment

Updating to Karmic [04 Jan 2010|03:07pm] glowing_fish I am updating to Karmic because A) Sound doesn't work on ZSNES B) I need something to do 7 comments|post comment

A bright new year! [03 Jan 2010|12:04pm] glowing_fish So far, the year has been very bright. Literally, that is, and mostly figuratively. In case you are interested in Montana's geography, Montana is in some ways part of the Pacific Northwest. One of the ways that this happens is that, much as in Portland, continental air can cause very cold temperatures, but they usually don't last long because warm air comes in from the Pacific. The difference is, in Portland the cold usually doesn't last longer than a few days, and then it goes back up to being 50F and rainy. In Montana, the cold will last a week, and then it will go up to being 35F and lightly rainy. Right now it is 34F, and I actually would like some snow. Other than that...I am frustrated, I would like a way to use my many talents. I am still staring at that job market. Staring at it HARD. 3 comments|post comment

Bandwagon, *hop on* [31 Dec 2009|10:55pm] dawnchylde Ten years ago.. Ten years ago was another lifetime. Raven was 2, she had recently learned to use the potty. I was struggling so poor I could not afford to eat. I was a size 4 tall.. Weighing in at a whopping 106 pounds. That is at 5'7. I spent new years eve wondering if maybe.. just maybe society would crumble. I was also wondering if there would be rioting or any such nonsense. I brought in the new year listening to "It's the End of the world as we know it" on a handheld radio while camping in a tent in the mountains. I saw a shooting star. ( Past Year Meme thing: ) What did you do this year that you'd never done before? I lived alone. Completely alone. No Pets or anything. 2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I kept my most important resolutions. There is one people may argue that I did not keep, but in reality I did.. There is 1 I did not keep. I will renew that one this year and work on it more. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? There were many many babies this year. 4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes 5. What countries did you visit? I stayed stateside. 6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year? For material possessions, I would like to get my belongings shipped to where I live.. They have been in a storage unit for too long, but prior to that making sense, I need to move. My apartment is just too small to bring my stuff here. I also would like to be in better tune with my spiritual self. 7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why? There were too many important dates this year to pick one. 2009 was a big year for me. Many changes. I can't say yet if they were for the better, but they were most definitely changes and many of them. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? One might say that it was moving to California. After all those years of wanting to , it happened. But it did not happen under the right circumstances.  There was much sacrifice in the move which makes it not as wonderful as it could have been.  I think possibly my greatest achievement might be that I finished the year, sane. There was alot of heartbreak and stressful situations. There were a couple times I didn't think I could make it, but I did and that's a big achievement in itself. :-) 9. What was your biggest failure? I think losing my job in Seattle was my biggest failure. I really had a good thing going for me there.  It may have been out of my power, but sometimes I wonder if I had done things differently would there have been a different outcome? 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Oh my god. I think I work in a sick ward. Yes. I did. I caught all three strains of the flu. all within two months of each other.  I also had some difficulties early in the year too. 11. What was the best thing you bought? The best thing I bought? It would either be . A. My mattress. ooo cozy. B. The sheets for my momma, not because they were pricey but because they were the right thing to give.. or C...! Oh I have this great bookshelf. I LOVE it! 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? RAVEN.  without a doubt. Raven has turned her grades around, she is staying out of trouble and she's being a good person. I am so proud of her. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I am not going to say. But there is someone.. actually two people. 14. Where did most of your money go? You mean the money that does not go to normal bills? Moving expenses. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Blizzcon. Disneyland, travelling 16. What song will always remind you of this year? Destiny's Child , Independent women. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Happier ii. thinner or fatter? The same, dagnabit iii. richer or poorer?well. actually. Richer 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Exercise 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Less WoW 20. How will you be spending Christmas/New Years? Home , thinking about life. 21. Which LJ people did you meet? I already know all my lj people. 22. Did you fall in love this year? Nope :-p 23. How many one-night stands? 0 24. What was your favorite TV program? Supernatural 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I am not a very hateful person. I DO sometimes feel extreme anger towards 2 people in particular, but not hate. 26. What was the best book you read? I read so many good books. Can't pick one. Sorry. I love reading and read often. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? It's not a discovery, but I have been "connecting" to Sinatra this year for some reason. 28. What did you want and get? Many things. Actually I got most of what I wanted. There are a few Looming "things" I have not gotten, but I will take care of those in short order. 29. What did you want and not get? Haha. Ok. The things mentioned above.   1.I want to be a home owner. Me. Not my boyfriend, not my husband, not my fiance.. Me. I want to own a home on my own.   2. I want a spouse that I love to the ends of the earth who returns that love.   3. I want a family.   4. I want MY family back   5. I want a doggie. woof woof.   6. I really want my kitties back.. :-( meow.   7. I want a very profitable stock portfolio. 30. What was your favorite film of this year? Phshaw.   Avatar , not because it is recent, but because it was just that awesome. 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to a mexican restaurant with coworker friends. Much merriment was had. I wore a sombrero. People sang. I turned 30. 32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? ... I absolutely cannot say without causing massive drama and strife in life.. :-/ 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? Respectable, professional, but not overly stuffy. A bit of librarian with spunk. 34. What kept you sane? Wow did. I am not going to sugar coat it. Wow.. and Sunshine. 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Antonio Banderas  *le drool* 36. What political issue stirred you the most? Actually this thing with mammograms.. 37. Who did you miss? Raven. My Momma, My brother, my grandma, my daddy, my GRANDPA(I miss him so much this year) My Kitties, my friends, some of my old coworkers. Gosh, I miss everyone. I miss you guys! post comment

My graduation cake [31 Dec 2009|11:28pm] glowing_fish I still have much of my graduation cake. I would smash it, if 2009 was a bad year. But 2009 was a GOOD year, so what should I do? 4 comments|post comment

One of those internet things [31 Dec 2009|10:46pm] glowing_fish In case you were wondering, here are my statistics for who my friends on the internet.com are: ( Who comments the most on this journal? ) Always good to remember, no? Now, on for more end of the year confusion. 8 comments|post comment

[30 Dec 2009|01:26am] pirate_eggie [ mood | sad ] SUP GUISE I FORGOT I HAVE A LIVEJOURNAL HOW DO I MADE A POSTS 8 comments|post comment

Even though it is the future [28 Dec 2009|06:35pm] glowing_fish Even though it is the future I am still going to make vague allusions on livejournal about how a certain "clique" is "persecuting" me. Wouldn't want to disappoint. 6 comments|post comment

Top 3 list [28 Dec 2009|05:24pm] glowing_fish 1. Aleister Crowley (tied) 1. Teenage girls, of all ages (tied) 1. Chris Stirewalt (tied) Do you know what this list is? 13 comments|post comment

I was about to solve all your problems... [28 Dec 2009|10:55am] glowing_fish I was about to solve all your problems, but now I am just sitting here, all night-mare-y. It is cold out. "Cold in Montana in the winter" film at 11. post comment

Sociological dark matter: [27 Dec 2009|01:11am] glowing_fish As I have said before, one reason that I get into so many crazy explanations is there is no way to understand things WITHOUT crazy explanations. Just like in chemistry and physics, the observable world needs all sorts of counter-intuitive to make sense, the sociological world needs all sorts of sub rosa drives and denials to make sense. When Sidney Poitier was 17 or so, he was told by police officers to walk 50 blocks back to the "black side" of town without looking back, like he was Orpheus, or they would shoot him. And he did it. And every step along the way, those two officers were afraid of a single, lone, black teenage boy with two guns pointed at him in a way that he could have never been afraid of them. And something is needed to balance that equation. And that is sociological dark matter. I wish I could figure out what people meant, but since they won't fess up...I have to guess what types of negative heptaquarks are holding together their views of reality. Such as, I don't think a single advocate of "limited government" (outside of the one guy from Texas whose district gets all those federal flood insurance subsidies) who has quite managed to explain how a trillion-dollar a year defense budget fits in with that. (the trillion dollars is made up, and also true). The only way you can balance those numbers, to explain why those trillion dollars just don't count, is with some really potent sociological dark matter. And that ends the hovercar investigations for this night. 4 comments|post comment

Further comments that aren't as coherent as they should be [27 Dec 2009|12:43am] glowing_fish These are further comments that aren't as coherent as they should be: But no one said the hovercars were easy. By the way, when this gets to be coherent, it will be on e2. So, one thing I have realized about "the dominant culture", (notice that I am not using the B-word), is that autonomy seems to be a very, very big issue in it. In a way that I don't quite understand, because autonomy, by itself, isn't really much of an issue for me. I came to realize this when I started thinking about taxation, and why people are so opposed to it. Now don't get me wrong, there are some pretty prosaic reasons to be opposed. But I thought, long ago, that taxation might not actually move purchasing power around too much. This is pretty easy to understand if you realize that money has a nominal value. (which is still debated by some!) If the government weren't taxing you, and wasn't taxing anyone else, everyone would have more money to spend, but there would be the same amount of goods, so... (fill in the blanks) Now, of course there are some exceptions to this, but much of the opposition to taxation seems to be on a much more emotional level. Its the idea that the government is INTRUDING on you, and that means a loss of honor. It leaves a dirty feeling! Taxation is, quite honestly, equated with rape in some people's minds. 1/3rd of Obama's stimulus package was tax cuts, but Obama is RAISING TAXES. Because um, American History tells us black men just sit around and think of ways to sully us. (But that is the next entry) And this is not even getting into autonomy, and keeping it, and losing it, factors into our interpersonal relationships. Its why Ayn Rand and Stephanie Meyer are so popular, because they are writing the same book, inverted. (pretty hypocritical of me to say, since I have read neither one) For me, autonomy is kind of a pragmatic issue. I don't have autonomy. No one does. "We all breathe the same air" might sound like some type of hippie shit, but its just a fact of life. I have relationships with some people, and there is not much I can do to change it. I am dependent on a gigantic web of people. I can't change it. But I don't have to: losing autonomy doesn't mean I lose myself. Its just a fact of life. At least for me! 4 comments|post comment

No need to cry... [26 Dec 2009|09:30pm] glowing_fish So, the first thing to cover on our list of topics to be covered if we ever are to achieve hovercar technology: Hip-hop. Now, it is 2009 and I have lots of things on my mind, but hip-hop doesn't leave. Now there is no need to cry... Because we all die Looking back on some of the issues in hip-hop, and in the non-hip-hop's perception of it, one of the biggest interpretations of it is it is about uncorking hidden aggressions, that it is all a statement to let our Reichian muscular armature go, Appealing to the fantasies of lots of young white males that if only they could shake off their mother's rules, they would have REAL ULTIMATE POWER. The entire dominant culture's obsession with self-control versus self-indulgence, is seen as being mirrored in hip-hop, and hip-hop becomes an argument for self-indulgence, and emotional release of aggressive, to be embraced and then ritually cast down. A bacchanalia of sorts. But to quote Gandalf, that the ring should be destroyed, and that no one would take his place, was unthinkable to Sauron. That hip-hop is not basically about the dominant culture's obsession with self-control and self-indulgence is unthinkable to the dominant culture. That it is about coping with death and dying, with the end of subjective awareness...that is beyond thinking. After all, if death is unthinkable to educated white people who spend all their time in self-introspection...how can emotional, extroverted blacks ever understand it. This ties in to other issues I will get to (I hope), such as the fact that AUTONOMY is also not the obsession it is in the dominant culture. When I get to that. Now you know. post comment

Our end of the year run down: [26 Dec 2009|08:47pm] glowing_fish So as the year is running down, and as we still are going hovercarless, and I feel like the future has yet to start I don't feel that as much as I felt it earlier, when I was riding my bicycle and making up theories about how I HATE EVERYONE. With "EVERYONE" being the usual targets: the bourgeois, the sub-bourgeois, the nihilocracy, etc. But the thing is: most of this is stuff you should know already. That is why, none of which I will explain below, or rather above, fits this picture: 10 comments|post comment

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